Day 16 Blog # And My Third Liebster Award Goes To....

A few weeks ago I was given a Liebster Award for blogging.
Upon being bestowed with the award, the blogger (me) should then nominate three more blossoming bloggers they admire.
Embarrassingly, I could only think of two!
Today I proudly announce my third nomination.

Daniella Germaine and her blog 'And Now I Am Broke'.



This is a very sweet blog created by a Melbourne girl who spent her last $300.00 on a pair of Camper boots. I have to say, she got me on that first, very revealing, fun little fact. I immediately saw a lot of myself in Daniella Germaine, having spent most of the money I've ever earned on that which makes me happy (as opposed to wealthy).

I'm in love with the notion that life is a journey and you never really know where you're going to end up. I think Daniella has captured that feeling by tracing the consequences of her $300.00 purchase in such a whimsical way.

Check out her blog and smile at all the things she does to fill up her life.
When I make my next ridiculous purchase, I'm going to think of Daniella and remember that it's money well spent.

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Bay 15 Blog # A Poem Just Because I Love Them

She laughed with a knowing
glint in her eyes
as I talked of whorls and whirls,
short skirt
and leather knee high boots
She was that kind of girl

I met her in a bar
down in old Denyo
she bought me a drink
looked me over and said
" come on , let's go "

The drift of her mind
blew gently through mine
as she,
smiled a rose
slowly unfurling it's petals
to the sun

Her skin was alabaster - snow
my being was on fire
the liquid that trickled between our bodies
molten with desire

We did it left
we did it right
we did it upside down
we did it for one hour straight
with our feet never touching the ground

And as our flesh heaved and meshed furiously
she maintained eye contact somewhat curiously
an ethereal sprite
tuned to another calling
engrossed in the moment
yet somehow falling
away

There's a crack in the can
where the rust has eaten through
it lets in shafts of sunlight
that no longer get to you
no longer does it hold content
and neither more do you

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Day 14 Blog # Resistance to Sexual Pleasure

Most of us are lucky enough to orgasm easily and often, but for others, it can be elusive.
Some women find it difficult to masturbate themselves to orgasm and others, while they have little trouble self pleasuring, cannot fully relax enough to experience orgasm with a partner.
When there is resistance to sexual pleasure, relationships suffer and sexual confidence and power is eroded.
There are many ways to explore the root of one's resistance to sexual pleasure, and in today's blog, I'm talking to Tanishka who works as a 'tantrica' and helps women and couples to be more sexually open.

What is a 'tantrika'?

I heard this term & without researching what it meant, intuitively knew it described perfectly what I do, so rather than a text book description this is mine: A Tantrika practices & facilitates other's through Tantric practices. This covers a broad range of services so not every Tantrika works as a sexual healer. I work as a private Tantric coach for couples, initiating them through kundalini raising practices & increasing emotional intimacy. I give them sensual & sexual homework but we all keep our clothes on in my sessions.

How can tantra improve your sex life?

Tantra means to weave, hence the emblem of the entwined serpents. When we see our union as a temple for soul growth, we embrace practices that deepen soul to soul intimacy. When we are connected emotionally, mentally & energetically the physical dance of creativity becomes a symphony greater than any manual that focuses on individual body parts could hope to imagine. Tantra invites all our hidden aspects out to be safely explored so monogamy is never boring or predictable as so many different archetypal energies surface spontaneously to be expressed, including the masculine & feminine polarities of each partner.

In what way can your work benefit those with sexual blockages?

Where there's resistance there's fear. Where's there's numbness there's pain, such as for many women post birth trauma. I hold a safe space with both individuals & couples to journey into the psyche using whatever processes feel intuitively right such as archetypal meditations, crystal healing (non-invasive), time line regression (which can illuminate past life traumas), art therapy, even working with a yoni puppet to give women's vulvas a voice. This enables us to identify the root cause & simply hold a supported space for them to release the associated pain out of all their bodies. I then assist them in creating appropriate boundaries so they can confidently claim back their sexual power.

A goddess has no constraints. How does a woman access her 'inner goddess' and realise her full sexual potential?

Well, honestly I wrote the book I wish had been there for me! 'The Inner Goddess Makeover' which is a step by step workbook for women to meet & unveil the 7 universal aspects of the feminine psyche, which when understood & expressed unblock the life force in the 7 major chakras which they govern so a woman's Shakti (Goddess essence) awakens as an inner serpent of kundalini (life force) raising her inner light, consciousness, vitality, health, self-awareness & empowerment. (Makes Oil of Ulan look like snake oil! heh heh)

We see so many women in the media dieting and going to extreme lengths to be 'perfect'. How can women be more accepting of their looks and bodies and have more self confidence?

The media is invested in undermining women's self perception so they will spend more to 'improve' themselves. So limit your exposure to this corporate propaganda. Mute the ads, don't buy trash mags & take a book to the doctor's surgery. Secondly by attending women's empowerment workshops, red tent circles & reading books which affirm the natural beauty, strengths & wisdom of the feminine which is in all of us, regardless of our age, dress size, skin complexion, hair colour or race.

Stay tuned for my next interview with Jenni Selwood, who works as a hypnotherapist in Melbourne, specialising in sexual issues.

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Day 13 Blog # A Funny Story

People often remark that in my job I must hear a lot of funny stories.
"You must have loads of wild stuff to write about" they say.
In reality, most of my customers are ordinary people like you and me.

In fact, the more everyday stores I've worked in have often provided much more interesting fodder than Passionfruit.
We don't attract the seedy element because it's just not that sort of store, and we don't get much of the really out there crowd either.

As I said, the majority of people I speak to are just like me.
It's a bit of a let down I guess, that I can't regale you with tales of high sexual adventure, infidelity, menage a trois, swinging sex parties and secret rendevoux featuring treasure chests of sex toys (although that wouldn't be unusual).

Most customers are simply interested in ways to improve their sex lives and have some fun.
They talk about orgasms, g-spots, foreplay, oral sex, phone sex, old sex toys, new sex toys, porn, great sex and boring sex.
The fact is, we all have sex. It's very ordinary.
It still astounds me that something so normal is so goddamn fascinating.
Funny isn't it?

I have to say, that one of the more baffling moments came when a woman was led through the curtain in to the back room and, surrounded by a cornocopia of sex toys asked,
"Do you sell vibrators"?
Must've been a catholic.

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Day 12 Blog # Love Letter

I love love letters.
My (now) husband wooed me with his letters of love and longing and he can still make me swoon with his poetry 25 years later.
In fact, even his marriage proposal was a lengthy letter of love.
How could a girl resist?

At Passionfruit, I often talk to women about ways to be more creative in the bedroom - things she can do to really make her lover drool with lust for her.
Suffice to say, it isn't always that difficult.

To hold a woman in the palm of a man's hand however, takes more than mere sexual prowess (although that can count for a lot if he's completely devoted to the art).
A handful of enchanting words have the power to move, transform, draw and enfold; love that may otherwise be ephemeral.

'Love letter, love letter,
Go get her, go get her.'

When writing a woman a love letter, a man is not telling her what a brilliant organiser, superwoman, cook, mother, lover she is.
He is appealing to her most sentimental, romantic, feminine, sensuous qualities.

The best love letters let her know that he is the man and she is the woman.
She is worth crossing oceans for, hailing chariots of angels for and banishing all demons for - just to be with her, to fill her up and adore her.
A love letter transforms a mere girl, into an icon, a goddess, a woman, and gives the writer the qualities of the warrior, the champion and the protector.

The best love letters, compel a woman to understand the truth of love.
They make her remember (because she has always known it) that love is THE MOST IMPORTANT THING.
In the detached, cold world of tweets and texts, it is the heartfelt, poetic ballad of longing, lust, devotion and yearning that conquers.

BRING IT ON

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Day 11 Blog # Gay Marriage

I am puzzled by the arguments against same sex marriage.
Confused, bewildered, nonplussed and flummoxed.
I've read many arguments for and against and I'm still mystified by it all.
None of it makes any sense.
No, gay marriage is not traditional, but my marriage isn't traditional either.
I didn't marry for social, legal or economic reasons and my father didn't choose my mate.

A MODERN MOTHER'S FAMILY
(mother at centre in pink)

(from left to right - daughter from second marriage, grandson, stepdaughter in-law, granddaughter in-law, granddaughter in-law from husband's third marriage, grandson in-law from third husband's second marriage, adopted son, gay son's son via surrogacy, first husband's second wife, daughter, my third husband's daughter, my third husband's daughter's stepson, my third husband's daughter's other stepson, my bisexual fuckbuddy and his triplets from his first marriage).

I'm pretty sure Christmas and Easter aren't celebrated in the traditional way any more either but they haven't been banned, nor will they ever be.

(nice and traditional)

Marriage isn’t for procreation any more either. Anyone can do it.

Even gay people!!!

What confuses is me most in this debate, is why our government would make it legal for gay people to have children and then endlessly debate whether or not they should let them get married as well.
See my confusion?
It’s the wrong way around. It’s not logical.

The modern reason for marriage is only love (and some legal, protective issues).

Love
Love
Love
Love

Why would anyone want to ban love?
Surely it could only be the mean spirited or the bigoted or the homophobic - and we have laws that protect us against these people, so that's confusing me too.

It's pretty widely understood that the government are afraid of the Christian right who are the leaders in the argument against same sex marriage.

(go figure)

Plenty of people, when grilled on why they don't support gay marriage, can't really explain it. They just think it's wrong - yet many religions and churches support it.


And there it is.
It all comes down to anal sex.
People can’t handle it.
When they think ‘gay’, they picture anal sex and it disturbs them.
I wonder why?
Perhaps they've either been abused and sodomised (probably by their local priest) or they have gay fantasies that they're ashamed of.
There's just no other logical explanation.
Now there's a debate to have at your next barbeque.

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Day 10 Blog # Land a Lelo Lyla on your Lap

WANT ONE?

Passionfruit invite you to email us with details of your night out with the new
Lelo Sensemotion Lyla
- the hot little vibrating egg that rocks around inside while your trembling lipped partner controls proceedings - for your chance to WIN (worth $159.00).
Just tell us about your wildest fantasy starring Lyla!
The winner will be notified and asked if they would like their entry published anonymously on the Passionfruit blog.
Send your entry to pfruit@bigpond.net.au with the subject 'Night with Lyla'.
Have fun!

Make sure it's better than this ridiculous video!

Competition closes December 31st 2011

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Day 9 Blog # Sex & Our Changing Bodies

Many of the discussions we have with customers are about sex and our changing bodies.
Whether it be through childbirth, illness, menopause or a kaleidoscope of other issues, the changes that result can heavily impact our confidence, relationships and wellbeing.
For several years, we've been involved with The Cancer Council as well as The Oncology units of many of Melbourne's hospitals.
Many cancer sufferers get little or no information on the effects that cancer and its treatments have on relationships, yet the reality is that after dealing with everything else, sex and intimacy are vital and the ramifications have to be dealt with sooner or later.

Here's a quick summary of some of the physical effects of cancer treatments as I've come to understand them.

1. Closing up of the vagina and often a complete 'gluing' together of the internal fibres.
2. Shortening of the vagina - sometimes to only an inch.
3. Severe reduction in or loss of sexual sensation.
4. Dryness, or a lack of lubrication.
5. Loss of libido.
6. Pain during sex (often due to internal scarring).
7. Having to use a colostomy bag.
8. Depression
9. Inability to achieve or sustain an erection.
10. Early onset menopause.
11. Infertility.
12. Dramatic weakening of the pelvic floor, leading to incontinence and prolapse.

Once you, as a survivor, have taken the step to restore your sexuality, there are a number of pathways to explore that will allow you to experiment with things you never imagined. Those who see the situation as an opportunity rather than a setback, generally achieve much better results and have a lot more fun in the process.
This is true not only of cancer patients, but of anyone who has had to deal with slight or major alterations in their ability to function sexually.

To renew intimacy and build a strong, albeit altered, sexual life, I recommend the following.

1. Massage
Both partners have undergone grief, anger and loss and both partners need nurturing, love, support and healing. Learning to massage well gives so much and opens the heart. Opening the heart is the first step toward renewing intimacy, regaining trust and acceptance of what has been lost. Sexual, erotic massage can open new pathways within body and mind, revitalize deadened nerves and heal a myriad of ills. Read books, practice regularly in a relaxed environment and use lots of beautiful, aromatic oils.

2. Tantra
Tantra is the practice of mindfulness and employs exercises that can elevate the experience of sex to a higher level. Tantra is about the journey of sex, not the destination and it is with this understanding that its use is invaluable. Using tantra can help couples enjoy sensuality when orgasm is not physically possible in the sense that we traditionally understand it. There are many wonderful books and practitioners that can help couples achieve extraordinary results. Tantra is not a quick fix, but a practice similar to yoga, that takes dedication and discipline.

3. Oils and lubricants.
NEVER underestimate the benefits of lubrication. For genital massage, try all sorts of aromatic oils, edible varieties and warming lotions. Massage candles can be extinguished and poured directly on the skin for deep relaxation and delight. Silicone lubricant is the absolute best thing you can keep in your bedside drawer. It's silky texture never gets sticky and its ability to make sex less painful and more enjoyable is undeniable. It's also excellent for massage on skin that is weakened and fine.

4. Sex Toys
Small vibrators can be used to help dilate the vagina and increase pleasure and sensation. Vaginal pumps engorge the vulva, helping with blood flow and restoring feeling. A cup with an extending tube and pump is placed over the labia and squeezed to create a vacuum. Penis pumps work in the same way and can help achieve an erection by forcing blood to the area. A ring is recommended to use immediately afterwards to help maintain the erection. If an erection is not possible, a hollow strap on penis can be used and is fun to try. There is a sex toy to suit every person and situation and you need a willingness to experiment with different varieties. Internal balls are also an excellent way to restore strength and elasticity into the vagina.

5. Adventure
Bondage and S&M can be very erotic and can ignite many fantasies and roleplays. Blindfolding and tying up are a way to heighten awareness of the body by shutting off other senses. Reading erotic literature, watching porn, dressing up, inventing scenarios and planning romantic dates are all ways to build anticipation and keep sex at the forefront of your mind.

6. Lingerie
Men love lingerie (on their partners generally). Whether it's pretty, sexy, innocent, trashy or classic, dressing for the bedroom is great fun and can hide scars and colostomy bags as well as giving confidence. Thigh high stockings and high heels can work wonders!

A fulfilling sexual life is not always restored on its own, and for many men and women, it takes time, patience, strong communication and commitment. Sometimes it's easier to think that sex is not that important in the scheme of things. If you are in a relationship, sex, intimacy and trust nourish, heal and ameliorate the trauma. If you're single, building your sexual energy revitalizes your entire body and helps to complete the process of making you whole again.

In response to the need for better information regarding sexuality post significant change, Passionfruit have created workshops designed to inform, reassure and benefit. All welcome.

All Images by David Jay Photography
The Scar Project

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Day 8 Blog # The Recipe

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Day 7 Blog # To Come Or to Go

In western culture we often use the term
"I'm coming"
to herald in the approach of an orgasm.
The announcement of an imminent arrival.

In eastern cultures the same experience is referred to as
"I'm going".
An imminent departure.

This difference has always intrigued me:
akin to the yin and yang contrast between our collective cultural experiences.

To where are we (in the West) coming and to where are they (in the East) going?
Is the physical experience any different?
Is either term closer to the real truth?

Perhaps in 'coming', we are arriving at our desired destination or goal -
'coming' into a higher, better state of being.

It could also be argued that in 'going' we are leaving one place for a better, more desirable one.
We are 'going' to reach our goal.

If we equate orgasm with transcendence (mystics have traditionally spoken of religious experiences in sexual, rapturous language and conversely, orgasm is often described in religious terms) then perhaps our cultural and spiritual beliefs can effect our experience of orgasm, just as our chosen religion can effect our experience of God.

I wonder if we could all enjoy lovemaking more if we began to see sexual ecstasy not as a destination at all - a place to which we must arrive, or a state from which we must leave - but as a state of true being.



Yes, yes, yes....

I AM

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