IS THERE AN "ABNORMAL" VAGINA?

Sex has become like beauty. The more of it you see, the less worthy you feel. 

Gynaecologists and sex therapists agree that most of their consults who have concerns about sexuality and genitals are 100% normal.  They spend their days reassuring patients instead of fixing them. 

Like faces, vulvas are 'made up' for the cameras and chosen for their 'beauty'. Mostly, they are thin-lipped with no protruding inner labia, pink and hairless. (If they don't fit into this ideal naturally, they are digitally altered).

Censorship in Australia has paid its treacherous part by not allowing a variety of genitalia to appear in legal porn and, like an attractive well balanced face, we have come to prefer the look of some vaginas over others because they fit into a new, 'normalised' framework.

At a vagina workshop recently, I was introduced to Quodoushka - an ancient American Indian, feminine based tradition that is used to understand sexuality and anatomy. Quodoushka unequivocally asserts that, rather than there only being one type of vulva (as you would be led to believe if you got your information from the internet) there are nine.

Yes! All women have one of nine types of vagina. It's rather like the zodiac but rather than evaluating the date and time of your birth, you analyse the shape of your inner and outer lips, the distance your clitoris is from your vaginal opening, the color variation and other telling factors. Once you establish these traits, you become a Bear, Buffalo, Deer or one of the other six female archetypes.

Your archetype also characterises the type of sex you enjoy, how long it takes for you to climax, how lubricated you are, where your G-Spot is located and so on. It provides a framework from which to understand your sexuality and feel empowered by it. 

Excerpts from the book 'Pussy Portraits' - an excellent example of vulval variety.

When we are presented with beauty in all its forms and helped to understand the inherent beauty in all things, it allows us to appreciate and respect what is within us. 

If you have doubts, worries, guilt or shame about your sexuality or anatomy, use the internet to find models other than the stereotypical. Read books, talk to people about these issues and never allow a lover to make you feel abnormal or weird. (You'll know that they're a porn inhaler from way back).

Sexuality has no normal just as beauty is limitless.

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Day 14 Blog # Resistance to Sexual Pleasure

Most of us are lucky enough to orgasm easily and often, but for others, it can be elusive.
Some women find it difficult to masturbate themselves to orgasm and others, while they have little trouble self pleasuring, cannot fully relax enough to experience orgasm with a partner.
When there is resistance to sexual pleasure, relationships suffer and sexual confidence and power is eroded.
There are many ways to explore the root of one's resistance to sexual pleasure, and in today's blog, I'm talking to Tanishka who works as a 'tantrica' and helps women and couples to be more sexually open.

What is a 'tantrika'?

I heard this term & without researching what it meant, intuitively knew it described perfectly what I do, so rather than a text book description this is mine: A Tantrika practices & facilitates other's through Tantric practices. This covers a broad range of services so not every Tantrika works as a sexual healer. I work as a private Tantric coach for couples, initiating them through kundalini raising practices & increasing emotional intimacy. I give them sensual & sexual homework but we all keep our clothes on in my sessions.

How can tantra improve your sex life?

Tantra means to weave, hence the emblem of the entwined serpents. When we see our union as a temple for soul growth, we embrace practices that deepen soul to soul intimacy. When we are connected emotionally, mentally & energetically the physical dance of creativity becomes a symphony greater than any manual that focuses on individual body parts could hope to imagine. Tantra invites all our hidden aspects out to be safely explored so monogamy is never boring or predictable as so many different archetypal energies surface spontaneously to be expressed, including the masculine & feminine polarities of each partner.

In what way can your work benefit those with sexual blockages?

Where there's resistance there's fear. Where's there's numbness there's pain, such as for many women post birth trauma. I hold a safe space with both individuals & couples to journey into the psyche using whatever processes feel intuitively right such as archetypal meditations, crystal healing (non-invasive), time line regression (which can illuminate past life traumas), art therapy, even working with a yoni puppet to give women's vulvas a voice. This enables us to identify the root cause & simply hold a supported space for them to release the associated pain out of all their bodies. I then assist them in creating appropriate boundaries so they can confidently claim back their sexual power.

A goddess has no constraints. How does a woman access her 'inner goddess' and realise her full sexual potential?

Well, honestly I wrote the book I wish had been there for me! 'The Inner Goddess Makeover' which is a step by step workbook for women to meet & unveil the 7 universal aspects of the feminine psyche, which when understood & expressed unblock the life force in the 7 major chakras which they govern so a woman's Shakti (Goddess essence) awakens as an inner serpent of kundalini (life force) raising her inner light, consciousness, vitality, health, self-awareness & empowerment. (Makes Oil of Ulan look like snake oil! heh heh)

We see so many women in the media dieting and going to extreme lengths to be 'perfect'. How can women be more accepting of their looks and bodies and have more self confidence?

The media is invested in undermining women's self perception so they will spend more to 'improve' themselves. So limit your exposure to this corporate propaganda. Mute the ads, don't buy trash mags & take a book to the doctor's surgery. Secondly by attending women's empowerment workshops, red tent circles & reading books which affirm the natural beauty, strengths & wisdom of the feminine which is in all of us, regardless of our age, dress size, skin complexion, hair colour or race.

Stay tuned for my next interview with Jenni Selwood, who works as a hypnotherapist in Melbourne, specialising in sexual issues.

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