The prospect of not being able to achieve, or maintain an erection can cause such deep grief and loss that many men abandon sexual intimacy entirely.
The consequences of this, together with dealing with their health crisis, is a breakdown of existing and future relationships.
As difficult as it can be to feel fully sexual and intimate with a partner after prostate cancer, men can and do, go on to have deep and fulfilling sexual lives.
In many cases, a fuller sexuality is experienced.
Sometimes, a person has long held preconceptions about what constitutes lovemaking.
Both partners might find it difficult to get past the notion that sex is foreplay, penetration, orgasm - in that or any other order - if they're lucky.
Holding on to this belief can make it very difficult to achieve a rich sexual life. Once it is let go of however, the doors open to reveal a myriad of powerful and loving experience.
Limited function of the penis doesn't stop a man or their partner from enjoying each others bodies. When the mind stops relying on the strength of the erection and focuses more fully on the sensation of touch and sensuality - arousal and intimacy is the result.
Encourage each other to explore massage (particularly penis massage), all over tongue worship, edible oils, bondage (from very light blindfolds and cuffs to nipple clamps and spanking for example), fantasy, games, anal play and sex toys.
There are several toys that we recommend that can help achieve a fuller and stronger erection and that can be incorporated in to lovemaking or masturbation.
1. The Penis Pump.
Place the penis inside the pump, through the silicone sleeve. Squeeze the pump until you have created a vacuum inside the tube and you can't squeeze any more. The vacuum works to draw the blood to the penis and create an erection. If erection is achieved, use an erection ring to maintain it.
Using a pump as soon as you can post surgery, is a great way to open the blood flow through to the penis again. Regular use of it this way, without lovemaking in mind, can re-train the body to connect energy pathways and bloodflow.
2. Erection Rings.
The erection ring works best when placed around both the penis and testicles. If you have achieved an erection, use the ring to trap the blood inside and keep it from flowing back out too quickly. Spread some lubricant around the penis and testicles and stretch the ring fully so you can place everything through. It should fit nice and firmly without being too loose or too tight. Erection rings also intensify orgasm as the blood stays in the penis for longer.
3. Pulse.
The Pulse is a great toy that stimulates the head of the penis as well as the length, in particular the more sensitive frenulum through pulsing vibration. The flaccid penis can be placed on the toy, with the vibration working to achieve bloodflow around the head and shaft. This toy was originally designed using pulsation technology engineered by the medical industry, to help men with spinal injury to ejaculate and be fertile. The Pulse can be used to achieve erection or as a masturbating device to maintain sensation.
4. Cobra Libre.
In many ways, The Cobra is similar to The Pulse, but the vibration is concentrated solely at the head of the penis.The penis is placed inside the toy and the vibration stimulates the entire head.
5. Strap On Hollow Harness
When erection is impossible, a strap on harness can be used. The dildo is hollow so that a man can have his penis inside the dildo and still penetrate his partner.
When surgery, injections or drugs aren't an option for you, experiment with different lovemaking experiences, without orgasm and ejaculation being the goal.
As with all sexual changes, prostate cancer can provide an opportunity to find new ways of giving and receiving pleasure. Sometimes a loss of libido is experienced after prostate surgery. If this is affecting the quality of your relationships and you need further help, talk to your GP or contact The Cancer Council for help in dealing with these issues.
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