Day 6 Blog # The Imperfect Woman

The Female Metamorphosis.

Recently, my friend Anita was advised to have a hysterectomy.
She's had a history of all sorts of shitty menstrual problems over the years and now that she's finished having children, it was suggested that removing her uterus might be the best option.



Anita hasn't had the hysterectomy because she's a bit freaked out. She's decided to wait and see if menopause might ease her symptoms. A cocktail of opiate based drugs have been prescribed instead.

Her doctors didn't really push for surgery and I think I know why.
Something's been smelling mighty fishy to me for some time now, the same way the increase in caesareans has aroused my suspicion.

Anita is not medically insured.

All the articles I've perused on this matter share the same findings.
Hysterectomies are performed at around twice the rate on insured women as they are on public patients yet obstetricians admit that less than 10% of those surgeries are for life threatening conditions. Publicly performed hysterectomies are labelled as 'rare'.



Gynecologists, hospitals and drug companies make more than $17B dollars a year from the business of hysterectomy.

Who is fueling the obsession. Us......or them?
The chicken or the egg?

It all just reeks to me of the current obsession we have with, what I call,

'The Imperfect Woman'

ie.

Our vaginas aren't tight enough.
(many women are asked if they want a few extra stitches post childbirth and hysterectomy).



Our boobs are too saggy, tummies too flabby, bums too big and we're too hairy.
(90% of all cosmetic surgery is performed on women).



Periods are unnecessary and problematic.
(take 'Lybrel' by Wyeth Pharmaceuticals and banish menstruation forever).



Childbirth is too painful. Babies can be surgically removed.
(Caesarian birth rates are significantly higher in private hospitals).



Why not just wrap it all up in one go and get a 'Mummy Makeover'?
(Here's an ad from a Double Bay "restorative" clinic.)

"A "“mummy make-over”" is a one stage procedure of restoring the body contour by performing a breast augmentation or lift, a tummy tuck and liposuction. A study of over 151 consecutive cases from California confirms that there is no increase in risk from combining these procedures on an outpatient surgical basis.

Many of our Australian patients fall into this category and being able to get into swimwear and wear nicer, sexier clothes without unattractive bulges, or to remove skin which is wrinkled and/or torn from pregnancy, results in patients who are more confident in themselves. Many women feel that once their children start school, it is time to treat themselves to a “mummy make-over”."

I don't wish to demonize women who elect to have hysterectomies or cosmetic procedures. The satisfaction rates are, in fact, high.

Few of us can escape the allure of a body that is beautiful, practical, simple and pain free.

Medicine has given us untold benefits.

It rewards us all, as physical and spiritual beings, to be fit, healthy, happy and educated.

It doesn't benefit us to obsess about perfection.

It doesn't exist.

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Day 5 Blog # My List of Dont's

A LIST OF THE 5 THINGS I WOULD NEVER DO IN BED







































HA HA
GOT YOU THERE

1. Actually, I wouldn't say 'would never do', just 'could never do' any more without racking up a very large chiropractors bill. Oh well, back to yoga class.



2. 'Belladonna's Bitch Fist' for those on seriously good drugs only.
Fisting is however, often talked of in reverential tones, imbuing both giver and receiver with an entirely higher level of intimacy. When Andre Serrano's exhibition came to Melbourne about a decade ago and caused a stir with 'Piss Christ', the photograph below hardly rated a mention. Go figure!






3. Dressing up as an infant. No matter how much my partner begged, it just wouldn't happen.




4. The Golden Shower - Look, maybe in exchange for a shopping spree but 'Salirophilia' - a fetish involving the soiling or dirtying of others - out of the question. (I won't scar you with a picture).

5. Lots of people love them, but after breastfeeding for many years, I couldn't think of anything worse.

So, how about you? Anything you would never do?

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Day 4 Blog # The Slap

Have you been watching The Slap?
It's been a long time since I've been soooo excited about a TV show.
I race around making sure the kids are in bed, kitchen's tidy, cup of tea's ready (no mean feat) so I can greedily devour this brilliant show on ABC1. You can still watch it on iview if you've missed it.

When I read The Slap, by Christos Tsiolkas a couple of years ago, I did what everyone else did, and talked about it with shining eyes over food and drinks with friends and relatives.
I've often pondered the author's talent in taking a simple premise - in this case, corporal punishment - and turning it in to a novel of such beauty and complexity. This is a book that has sparked a million conversations, ruminations, questions and judgements. I loved it!

The success of The Slap has got me thinking about how I too can take an average modern dilemma like smacking, and turn into a bestselling novel?
Then it came to me.
Pubic hair!
It's a pretty hot topic at the moment and many of us have our own perspective on the to wax or not to wax debate. Hell I've even written a whole blog about it!
So here is the synopsis for my next novel.
Please let me know your thoughts.

THE FLAP

A small gathering of friends get together in an inner suburban Melbourne backyard one Saturday afternoon for a barbeque.
All is progressing amicably enough until Sharon, (who's a bit of a party girl) wearing a short denim mini, leans too far back in her chair toppling backwards. She lands, legs akimbo, revealing one very smoothly shaven left labia in all it's gleaming glory. She'd elected to go commando on this particular day. In that moment, which seemed to span eons, her partner and 3 couples zoomed in.
The rippling effect of this event reverberates through all witnesses, having a myriad of knock-on effects.
Carol and Steve's marriage breaks up because Steve "looked for far too long and with unbridled lust in his eyes." Carol always suspected he'd had the 'hots' for Shazza. She also took it as a personal affront to her thick bushy triangle of which she was very fond.
Michael and Evie discussed the pros and cons of shaving/waxing and experimented with surprising results.
Teri and Arnold had deep and meaningful discussions concerning the appeal of a pre-pubescent look in relation to adult sexuality and what it all meant.
Sharon and Greg continued to have fun.
Various infidelities, break ups, make ups, opinions and events intertwine and play out as a result of

THE FLAP

The butterfly flapped and the cyclone roared.

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Day 3 Blog # Passionfruit's Top 3 Toys of The Year.

All toys have been given points out of 10 for three criteria.
Form, Function, Fun

Number 1: Lyla by Lelo
$159.00

In number 1 spot with a score of 10/10 is the spanking new Lyla from Swedish brand Lelo.

10/10 points to Lyla for superior design, aesthetic and function.

This little gem is the toy I've been waiting for!
Remote controlled vibrators have been popular for some time, especially after seeing them in such films as Shortbus (borrow it if you can) and The Ugly Truth.
The trouble is - they've never worked very well.
Also, the person in control of your little vibrating egg, never knows if it's working, so is constantly looking at you with an expectant, hopeful, slightly alarmed gaze.

Lelo's industry first sensemotion Lyla, enables the controller to know exactly what's happening because the control pad vibrates in unison with the egg.
By simply flicking the wrist and moving the controller from side to side, you can make the egg vibrate as fast or as slow as you like.
You can watch this very cheesy video to see exactly how it can be used.





Beautiful form, hypo-allergenic, waterproof, re-chargeable, 12 speed.

10/10 points to Lyla for Fun.

What could be more exciting than going to a party, dinner date or library with this sexy little vibrating ball inside you or your pants?
You'll love it and your partner will love your little secret.
Try it. It's awesome!

Number 2: Calla by Fun Factory
$195.00

The fabulously soft, delectable Calla by Germany's Fun Factory receives 9/10 points.

10/10 points to Calla for superior design, aesthetic and function.

Calla has a beautiful form and texture that makes you want to hold it and love it and never let it go. If you were a fly on the wall at Passionfruit, you would notice me and the other staff plus the customers, walking around with this toy firmly gripped in our palm.
The loop at the base is a lovely ergonomic design and the control buttons lights up as soon as you pick it up so there's no fumbling in the dark.
It's waterproof, re-chargeable, hypo-allergenic and multi-speed.
Only 1 point is lost for the soft buttons that can be damaged by long fingernails.
No points lost for the Fun Factor though.

10/10 points to Calla for Fun.

Calla has remarkable strength - so much so that you can still feel it even after you've turned it off!
The floral whorling shape is wonderfully suited for both vaginal and anal use and the base vibrates perfectly over the clitoris.
All of these factors combine to make a toy that is versatile, sensual, powerful and sexy.
A must have in your toy box.

Number 3: We-Vibe 11 by Standard Innovation Corporation
$169.00


The We-Vibe is the first toy to give both partners the ride of their lives!

8/10 points to We-Vibe 11 for design, aesthetic and function.

Invented by a savvy Canadian couple, the We-Vibe was created for couples to use together.
The ingenious design allows the woman to insert one end of the C shape into her vagina, while the other end wraps itself externally around her clitoris.
Nine different variations in vibration can then be utilised - but the best bit is that the little device stays inside during sex!
For the woman, it feels as though she has a vibrating penis inside her, and for the man, it feels like a hot, vibrating vagina! Hell yeah!
It's waterproof, re-chargeable, hypo-allergenic and multi-speed.
There are now many variations of the We-Vibe - a testament to its groundbreaking brilliance.
I take just 1 point away for the slight difficulty in changing the speed whilst it is inside you;
a tricky procedure at the best of times.
Another point lost for the sometimes rubbery feel of the toy.
Lots of lubrication is a must!

10/10 points to We-Vibe 11 for Fun.

If you're planning a hot weekend away, a surprise birthday present, or something to spice things up a little, We-Vibe 11 is a brilliant sex toy.
It's the best toy to buy if you don't want your partner to feel like they're missing out!
Just know that it takes 24 hours to charge initially.
Many customers have rung through first and asked us to have it fully charged in time for pick up.
A job we're happy to do!

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Day 2 # The Skinny Ideal

WANTED

Young
Female
Skinny
Pretty
Hairless
Currently dieting

Auditioning now for
Australia's Next Top Model



NOT WANTED

Old
Female
Fat
Ugly
Hairy
Currently dieting on chips and beer

Auditioning now for
Australia's Biggest Loser



Is it just me, or is there a connection?
That is:
The fatter we get is directly proportionate to the thin ideal.
In other words, we must be getting pretty fat.

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#1. The Anus Mono(log)ues

THE ANUS MONO(LOG)UES

In the tradition of Eve Ensler's 'The Vagina Monologues', I have decided to talk to women about, not their vaginas - well that's just passe now - but their (much more controversial) anuses.

Just as Eve uncovered women's thoughts, shame and perceptions about their vaginas, I have endeavoured to get to the bottom of the current anal fixation. Blame it on the internet, but butt sex is practically as popular as garden variety intercourse - and that has created an entire anus industry! Not just a whole new porn genre, (think Anal Acrobats, Anal Honeymoon in the Tropics, In Anal Sluts We Trust etc.) but also crack waxing, bleaching, bum botox, home enema kits and an explosion in the sale of butt plugs, anal beads and prostate massagers.

It's no wonder that there are so many questions, worries, concerns and emotions surrounding The Anus. When Ms Ensler first began her Monologues, she said of the vagina, "There's so much secrecy surrounding them - like The Bermuda Triangle. Nobody ever reports back from there." Well that's doubly true of the anus - apart from proctologists.

So I have begun, as Eve Ensler did before me, by asking each woman participating in 'The Anus Monologues' the same two questions.

1. If your anus got dressed, what would it wear?

Here's a list of my favourite answers:
A champagne cork. A cigar. A cocktail parasol. A flower. Hijab. Diamonds. False eyelashes.

2. If your anus could talk, what would it say?

And here's a selection of answers:
Exit only. Phhht. Wrong one. Brave choice. What smells? Excuse me! Yeah baby!

As you can imagine, running a sex shop gives me access to a million different stories surrounding The Anus and I must give thanks to the many women who have opened themselves up to me. We are currently negotiating filming rights for 'The Anus Mono(log)ues' and are auditioning now. So if you have an anus story that you think might be helpful to others, please submit.

And next time you go to the beauty parlour, think about your reply when asked for a bleach, wax or botox or you might end up with a sore back crack, slightly firmer butt cheeks and the same old crows feet.

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The Liebster Award

I have just had the the sweetest note dropped in to my inbox.

It informed me of a Liebster award bestowed upon me for blogging!

Michelle Wright, owner of Mishfit, nominated me for this award, and is herself a wonderful teacher of fitness and health with remarkable business savvy. So thanks Mishi. Ich liebe dich!

What is a Liebster you may wonder? Both a word (German for dearest or beloved) and an honour, it is bestowed by those in the early stages of writing a blog (less than 200 followers) upon 3-5 bloggers they admire.

When nominated we should:

1. Link back to the blogger who awarded us.

2. Tag 3-5 blogs to receive the award.

3. Inform them of their nomination.

4. Display the Liebster Award image on our blog.

Here are 3 of my favorite bloggers.

1. I met Tanishka of Star of Ishtar many years ago. She drifted through my shop door leaving a trail of exotic, mysterious scent in her wake. Her flaming, wild red hair meandered in all directions while she perused such books as 'Goddess Orgasm', fanned herself with a peacock feather fan, dabbed spicy oils and fingered silky knickers - all the while smiling brightly and looking at me directly with her deep pools of light filled eyes. Tanishka brought the madness and delight of a snake charmed Moroccan bazaar with her and I was instantly hooked. She's a deep well of esoteric knowledge mixed with spot on intuition, is open and encompassing, as well as complex and infinite. She's a fantastic writer and I'm always delighted when her blog pings on my screen like magic.

2. Casey Jenkins and Rayna Fahey of Melbourne Craft Cartel are 'craftivists not capitalists' whose work inspired me when I saw them on a recent documentary 'Making it Handmade'. What I loved about the documentary, was the chance to see women who want to change things, alter perceptions and fight injustice, and who do so in a totally unique, peaceful, rootsy, hardcore but ultimately feminine way. I so often ponder my own perceived lack of power to change things, but seeing the way these women approach activism is truly inspiring. They're not in your face, they're not aggressive, they're not traditional, boring or money raising. They are everything woman represents. Nurturing, creative, loving, thoughtful and smart. And they're making the world a better place using all those qualities. Their blog speaks directly to me.

And now for my 3rd award........I haven't got one! Isn't that pathetic? I've been racking my brain, searching high and low, asking friends - all to no avail. I'm asking all of you to please help me with any suggestions so I can give my award posthumorously. Geez, you'd think it'd be easy to find a great writer who writes about all the things I'm most interested in.

Thank you again Mishi for nominating me for the Liebster award, it's just the kick in the pants that I need to get back into a writing habit - and for inspiring me to take up the challenge to blog for 21 days in a row (Ludwina Dautovic of Red Tent Radio says that google will then remember your website and rank it higher). I know that writing a quality blog each day will be a challenge… so would any other bloggers like to join me?

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