Day 21 Blog # A Few Of My Favourite Things

Tongue, mouth, muff and scrotum 
labia, cock, nipples and breasts 
are a selection of certain body parts 
that feel lovely when caressed 
 
Spunk, jism, juices and belly 
cuffs, lubricant and fist 
condoms, hips and slapping 
are others on the list 
of particular words 
and various terms 
that bring a rise in vaginal lubrication 
and the active movement of sperm 
 
Penis, member, dick and prick 
shaven, bushy, flaps and candlestick 
are others that cum to mind 
with the subject matter in kind 
 
Bondage, tied, fingered and pried 
tugging, stroking, being eaten alive 
lubricant, foreskin, clitoral hood 
rock hard erection, tight buns 
and good wood 
 
Anus, orgasm, ejaculate, spank 
bum, lips, pudenda 
having a wank 
 
Legs akimbo 
sixty nine 
mound of venus 
spread eagled 
doggy style 
reverse cowgirl 
missionary 
or illegal 
 
With a partner 
or alone 
in an orgy 
via phone 
 
Over lunch 
over dinner 
with a loser 
with a winner 
 
Trans Atlantic 
Trans Pacific 
buzzcut bikie femme butch dyke 
or fairly non-specific 
 
In the evening 
or the morning 
hours of foreplay 
or without warning 
 
These are a few of my favorite things 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

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#1. The Anus Mono(log)ues

THE ANUS MONO(LOG)UES

In the tradition of Eve Ensler's 'The Vagina Monologues', I have decided to talk to women about, not their vaginas - well that's just passe now - but their (much more controversial) anuses.

Just as Eve uncovered women's thoughts, shame and perceptions about their vaginas, I have endeavoured to get to the bottom of the current anal fixation. Blame it on the internet, but butt sex is practically as popular as garden variety intercourse - and that has created an entire anus industry! Not just a whole new porn genre, (think Anal Acrobats, Anal Honeymoon in the Tropics, In Anal Sluts We Trust etc.) but also crack waxing, bleaching, bum botox, home enema kits and an explosion in the sale of butt plugs, anal beads and prostate massagers.

It's no wonder that there are so many questions, worries, concerns and emotions surrounding The Anus. When Ms Ensler first began her Monologues, she said of the vagina, "There's so much secrecy surrounding them - like The Bermuda Triangle. Nobody ever reports back from there." Well that's doubly true of the anus - apart from proctologists.

So I have begun, as Eve Ensler did before me, by asking each woman participating in 'The Anus Monologues' the same two questions.

1. If your anus got dressed, what would it wear?

Here's a list of my favourite answers:
A champagne cork. A cigar. A cocktail parasol. A flower. Hijab. Diamonds. False eyelashes.

2. If your anus could talk, what would it say?

And here's a selection of answers:
Exit only. Phhht. Wrong one. Brave choice. What smells? Excuse me! Yeah baby!

As you can imagine, running a sex shop gives me access to a million different stories surrounding The Anus and I must give thanks to the many women who have opened themselves up to me. We are currently negotiating filming rights for 'The Anus Mono(log)ues' and are auditioning now. So if you have an anus story that you think might be helpful to others, please submit.

And next time you go to the beauty parlour, think about your reply when asked for a bleach, wax or botox or you might end up with a sore back crack, slightly firmer butt cheeks and the same old crows feet.

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