HOW TO MAKE A MAN GO FROM HARDLY WOKEN TO FULLY SMOKIN..

Smokin' Sex Tips for Boys, back in February, was our most popular post so we thought it was about time the girls got in to it too. With Christmas around the corner, warm summer breezes to ignite latent desires and new lovers on the horizon, it's time to apply some expert tips that will leave your man in a smokin' heap of snoring ecstasy. 

1. Fab Fellatio

 

For the most sublime head, lift the penis and lightly and tenderly kiss from bottom to top. With featherlight flicks, run your tongue along the underside of the shaft in a straight line from bottom to top. Swirl your tongue around the head paying special attention to the frenulum. Intersperse with cool blowing and warm sucking over the shaft and head. Use your hand as well as your mouth to glide from base to tip. Look into your lover's eyes and show enthusiasm and love. Don't be afraid to use your saliva for lots of lovely lubrication. Hold the penis firmly at the base to keep him hot and hard.

2. Foreplay of the Mind

Anticipation is a beautiful thing. Massage his crotch whenever you have the chance, send him suggestive texts throughout the day, bare a bit of leg (and for an extra thrill, wear suspenders and stockings), lick your ice-cream suggestively and give him your most seductive, carnal glances. Whatever you do, make sure he knows what delicious delight he has waiting for him. A man adores to know that you're having dirty dreams of him and when he finally throws you on the bed to ravish you, the wait will have made it so much more worth it.

3. On the Brink

One of the most erogenous zones on the body is the perineum and anal area. When delighting him with your sublime oral technique, try pressing the pad of your finger around the perineum (the area between the balls and anus) using reasonable pressure. When he's good and aroused, use a lubricated finger to lightly massage around the anus. If he's going to come, insert your finger gently for wild and intense orgasm.

4. Heavenly Hand Work

Hand jobs are soooo much more satisfying when you have a well lubricated hand. Make sure you have some nice massage oil and warm it up a little to begin your massage. Release some tension from his back, shoulders and buttocks before starting on his penis. Don't be sparing with the oil and use good, firm pressure as well as feather light touch and your fingernails to ignite him. Cold pressed oils are excellent for massage and silicone lubricants are positively transformational.

5. Enthusiasm

 

You cannot underestimate the role of body confidence and enthusiasm. We hear it a lot because it cannot be over-stated. Really try to forget your body hang ups and engage in sex with as much enthusiasm as you can muster. Show him that you are loving every stroke, lick and thrust. Whether you are giving head, providing a masterful hand job or masturbating in front of him, look in to his eyes, make noise and GET INTO IT! It's highly contagious for both partners and he'll feel like the master of the universe.

 

6. Just For You Baby

Men don't talk about it much, but the pressure to perform can be deflating. A hard, firm, performing penis can be difficult to maintain again and again. Every once in a while, let your man know that you are going to love and pleasure him with no reciprocation. Lie him down, massage, stroke, lick, suck and fuck him if you want to but make sure he understands that there is no pressure to perform. Permission to relax and be pleasured is a wonderful gift. Erection and climax are optional.

..Then wish him a Very Merry Christmas!

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REVIEW: 50 SHADES OF GREY - THE PORNO

See the review in full at our new blog here

Ta da... what we've all been waiting for (well me anyway) ...50 Shades of Grey the Porno! I have to admit, I couldn't wait to see it. I just had to see how bad it was going to be so I ripped it open, slid it into my laptop and proceeded to scrutinise every arse whipping scene.

An hour later, my overall impression was one of Torana rather than Audi, Fountain Gate rather than millionaire playground Seattle. Despite the movie being not too bad, the special details that we girls love were absent. No Louboutins, sexy office attire, well cut suits or fine food and wine; rather more satin Gasp dresses, stripper heels, pink passion pop and Franco Cozzo interiors. So very suburban.... (continued here)

Allie Haze

Ryan Driller

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WILL 50 SHADES SPARK A SEXUAL REVOLUTION?

The 50 Shades phenomenon might be so massive as to kick-start a sexual revolution.

If Germaine Greer's 'The Female Eunuch' was the catalyst women needed to leave their husbands and relinquish the life of domestic servitude that allegedly castrated them, then E.L. James' 50 Shades of Grey is the tool that has allowed women to discover the power (and not the impotence) of submission. A role that may, in fact, be closer to her true nature.

Whereas The Female Eunuch instructed women to reject the bondage of marriage and child bearing and embrace their sexual agency rather than allowing themselves to be treated as sexual objects, E.L. James wills us to find sexual freedom in power games, hard core sex and romantic love. In the context of the twenty first century, it has liberated many women's repressed desires.

The submissive 'Ana' is traditionally seen as having no power - vulnerable, passive and needy. Women struggle every day with power - she is disadvantaged and disempowered simply because she is the physically weaker sex. Every day she strives to empower herself and protect herself from being overpowered. She is always working to find, increase and express her power. 50 Shades of Grey shows us that we can 'play' with power for fun and pleasure rather than be confined in its serious real world struggle.

Ana feels powerful and beautiful when being the submissive. She knows too, that she has the right to choose if she wants to continue the game or not. It is the fantasy of having no choice that is the ultimate turn on however. As a submissive it can be very erotic to believe that you have no choices. Here I am tied up, gagged, blindfolded and turned on against my will. Poor me!!

The real power struggle between Ana and Christian is out of the bedroom. It is in every day life that Christian threatens to overpower Ana and where they must work to find an equilibrium. Ana feels powerless in the 'Mad Men' world that Christian inhabits. He exerts an unhealthy control over her personal, social and work life yet the power games 'with' her in the bedroom are far more healthy, modern and acceptable. The difference between 'power over' and 'power with' is at the crux of their relationship.

The Female Eunuch resonated with women who felt the patriarchy had 'power over' their lives. Germaine Greer described successful, feminine women as “the white man’s black man, the professional nigger.” Women could only achieve high positions within male-dominated structures, Greer argued, by using their feminine wiles to manipulate men’s “guilts and hidden desires." Forced to beg for any improvement in their social status, women have not been able to develop an authentic self; they are “impotent, insecure, inferior beings.”

Although written 40 years ago, women are everyday, still trying to exert their power within a patriarchal world. She is still, in many ways, the 'professional nigger', working within structures that have traditionally been male dominated and not yet suited to the feminine mindset. The side effect of this constant power play is often tired confusion and an inability to recognise and assert her sexual needs. For a tired, multi-tasking, assertive woman, being treated as a 'sexual object' has its benefits. Bring it on Christian.

Except Ana is no object. To Christian Grey, she is awe-inspiring, brave and fiercely loved. That is the combination that is so heady and masturbation worthy. If Greer's theme was about the importance of women undergoing a profound change in the way they viewed themselves and their relationships with men, then E.L. James' book has had a similar effect, but the vehicle is a modern love story not a polemic. And the result is not sexual equality but sexual liberation and finally, satisfaction. 

The taboo of the submissive woman might be directly related to the emancipation of women. It's just not politically correct to slap a woman's behind, gag and fuck her when she's working that same sore arse off to score equal pay, maternity leave and a place on the board. Any kind of bondage, spanking, rough play and dirty talk is banned by Australian censors. It's as though sexual role play and power play must be a reflection of society's standards and therefore condemned. 

But bedroom politics and power struggles are not real life power struggles. The conclusion is immature and patronising and has no doubt left a large proportion of women (and men) sexually dissatisfied and confused. When we read about a woman being trussed and spanked for erotic pleasure, it doesn't mean that we want the same 'bondage of marriage' that Germaine freed us from.

That is what has made 50 Shades so successful. It has helped us to inhabit our sexuality and understand that it is OK (and really hot) to want the rich sexual, and perhaps submissive, life of our choosing. It has separated the social and the personal rules and allowed women and men to play. Greer's ability to tap in to the zeitgeist and popularise its complexities is not unlike E.L James' uncanny knack of opening a door we didn't know was locked. Revolutionary stuff. Then again, I could just be a little over excited.

Images of the beautiful Dita Von Teese

DO YOU WANT TO GET A BIT 50-SHADES IN THE BEDROOM (or any other room)?

THIS SELECTION WILL SERVE YOU NICELY..

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ONE OF THE MOST THRILLING AND EROTIC THINGS I EVER HEARD..

One of the darkest, most thrilling and erotic things I ever heard, was told to me by a friend a long time ago. 

She, a raven haired, caramel-limbed, horse riding beauty, and he a smouldering, guitar playing sex pot who cooked and sang, stoked up the fire and hosted wild parties, finally got it on one wintry Victorian, star-filled night.

She told me that when he eventually seduced her, wrapped her up and flung her on the bed, she apologised and confessed that she had her period.

She explained to me, over cheap wine and biscuits, that he had no issue with it and proceeded to go down on her with relish. A long time later, he looked up into her eyes with a face smeared with her menstrual blood and made love to her.

She told me this story many moons ago and I've never forgotten it. It thrilled me to the core and lodged something deep within me, evoking my own pagan, mysterious, dark and spiritual self. It spoke of carnal desire, lust - worship.

When we approach our lover with fervent wonder and devotion, it takes away all shame and guilt. A love of nature, a sense of awe and a respect for life and self - when transmitted to a lover - is transcendental.

You don't have to follow the Germaine Greer test to achieve it, but deeply enthusiastic sex pays homage to your lover, and thereby bestows the ultimate gift of self respect.

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ESSAY : A FUCKING GOOD FEMINIST

For all our feminist achievements, our sex lives are going down the gurgler.  The media is bursting with women pointing the finger and crying blue murder about misogyny and sexism, and yet I’m beginning to think that this has become counterproductive. We’re shooting ourselves in our collective fat arses and suffering the consequences in the bedroom.

Firstly, men love women, they don’t hate them. A shitty remark does not a misogynist make. I’m all for pointing out an indiscretion when I see it, but bringing men to heel is threatening our sexual satiety. For woman to come into her full power (the perfect balance to man), she must evolve without the assumption of a patriarchy. 

Demanding an equal playing field and the right to be the same as men, reinforces a woman’s belief that her own nature is inferior - striving to be equal to a man confirms her rank. When she comes from a place of oppression, the struggle must be to emerge as herself, not as her persecutor; equality on a woman's terms.

The fact that men are physically stronger, more competitive and ambitious by nature has allowed men, quite naturally, to control the social, political and economic landscape so far. Feminism’s problem, has been to try to alter this situation by encouraging women to be more like men (whose qualities threaten her) instead of fostering a culture where women’s characteristics, in contrast to a man’s, are celebrated and rewarded.

Women need to continue being their best and creating structures that reward femininity and resist deriding men for every indiscretion. This derision is transforming men into confused, hurt and vain metrosexuals who are just not that attractive, let’s face it.  And ironically, for all the advances in sexual equality, many exhausted women just want a man to provide, be gorgeous and screw her like she’s the last woman on earth. Christian Grey, a man who makes all the decisions will do nicely thank you. (50 Shades of Grey has just topped 10 million sales and cornered 25% of the adult fiction market)!

When women use male mockery as a tool for liberation, confusion sets in. Men begin to question their true nature, which is, to protect, compete and win whilst women become harder to conquer, love and cherish. If, on the other hand, a woman’s true nature (generous, nurturing, vulnerable) is heralded and valued, sexual liberation can begin to evolve and fulfil itself instead of stagnating as it is now. It’s like positive parenting - it’s better to reward the good behaviour and ignore the bad.

Undoubtedly, the equalising of our opposing natures, made possible because of feminism, has transformed us into richer and more whole individuals. Women enjoy independence and opportunity and men benefit from a greater emotional intelligence. But the sex has become so frigging boring. Men are suffering from all manner of performance issues and women can’t decide if they want the, now taboo, knight in shining armour or the waxed, buffed, politically correct nancyboy, who does the dishes but is crap in the sack.

It is sexual polarity that is the foundation of sexual passion, and for bedroom fireworks, male and female difference must be magnified not diminished. In a world where male and female essence is more closely aligned, we need to make an honest evaluation of our core sexual nature in order to be sexually satiated.


Ask yourself if you prefer to be sexually dominated (feminine) or to take the lead (masculine) most of the time. Great sex happens when one is the victor and one is the vanquished - butch/femme, top/bottom, master/slave. It doesn’t matter who is the giver and who is the receiver, but acceptance of one’s general tendency will guarantee more spark in the bedroom. If both partners are sexually well balanced, then roleplay will be necessary to ward off a passionless sex life.

"Now we are ready to move to the next stage, grounded in this mutual respect and equality, but celebrating the sexual and spiritual passions inherent in the masculine/feminine polarity."*

*The Way of the Superior Man, by David Deida


By Michelle Temminghoff

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ESSAY: SEXING UP THE KIDS

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Lessons learned from the Pre - Valentine's Day 'HOW TO THRILL A MAN PART 1' workshop.

This workshop never ceases to amaze, excite and remind me that the act of love too often falls within the mundane, repetitive, lazy realm of work and duty rather than the creative, sensual, slow dance of worship, love and delight.

Layla, our tantric teacher of immeasurable talents, reminds us that lovemaking, like all undertakings, is primarily a frame of mind and then - a reflection of that mindset.

Whilst sex is the most intimate act that two people can perform together physically, it should also be an opportunity to share the other part of ourselves that is in shadow, hidden and fiercely protected by our more fearful aspect.

Instead of rolling towards each other at the end of a hard day and going through the motions, or ripping the clothes off and passionately screwing a one night stand, take some deep breaths, shake off the stresses of the day and the constructs of expectation, and truly look at each other eye to eye.

It sounds a bit new age and hippie, and it probably makes you want to giggle and smirk, but that's because, deep down, you recognise that in truth, looking deeply into another's eyes can make you feel more naked, more vulnerable and more undressed than any crazy night of wild, out-there, rampant, no-holes-barred sex can.

Bringing the sex act toward a goal of deep connection and worship of the life force, is the primary focus of tantra. It doesn't have to reside within the realms of occultism or freaky, hippie shit - just as bondage doesn't have to be for gimps and friends of Zed. (Sorry, a reference there to my favorite scene in Pulp Fiction - "Zed's dead baby, Zed's dead.").

Unveiling our innermost being, opening our heart to another and then entering into the delights of lovemaking, is the first step we need to take to really expand our repetoire of sexual skill so that we can begin to learn how to really 'thrill a man' and ultimately, thrill and honor ourselves as women, lovers and creators.

We've announced new dates for the 'How To Thrill A Man Part 1' workshop and would love to see you there. You can book here but spaces are limited so book early.

'How To Thrill A Man Part 2' gives you complete and explicit instruction on the techniques of penis massage.
It's an event you won't want to miss!

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10 Sexy Things To Do In The Holidays

 Hello everyone!

I hope you're having a wonderful break, you're relaxed, you're happy and ready for new adventures.

If you have a lover but you're too full, lazy or hot to think up some erotic hanky panky for yourselves, feel free to take a few suggestions from me.

Some are free and others require a few $$$.

There's sure to be more than one you'll love!

1. Have a good old outdoor roll in the hay - wear appropriate clothing (floaty skirts, stretchy underwear) and be daring.

2. Dress up - buy yourself a naughty costume or some very sexy bedroom attire. No-one can dress up for your man but you, so give him the gift of your sexy as hell bod.

 

3. Leave a  note, but make it erotically suggestive. Alternatively, go all out and be raunchy and explicit.  Either way, it will have you thinking about one another all day. Slip it in to each other’s car, lunchbox, bag, or leave it on the pillow.

 

4. Go parking - ride around together (her in thigh high fishnets and killer heels, he in stretchy shorts and t-shirt) and look for a place to make out. Make sure you go all the way!

5. Cook up a fantasy dinner - buy yourself a sexy maid outfit and start planning and writing a menu. For each course you will have an accompanying action - (eg. starter - oysters and hand job under the table, main - pasta matriciana and fellatio over the chair, dessert - sticky date pudding and doggy style sex over the couch). Cook, serve and follow through in your 'do me' outfit. 

 

6. If you're not one to trim the bush, give yourself a neat, barely there shave. A change can work wonders.

7. Set the scene with some bondage gear - blindfold, tie-ups and spanker - and take turns being Master and Slave. Do everything the other orders you to.

  

8. If you haven’t tried the We-Vibe 11, do yourself a favour and buy it. Cheaper than a night out and loads more fun.

9. Settle yourselves into bed with an erotic book of short stories and read to one another each night. Intellectual foreplay of the best kind.

10. Building the anticipation makes for the sweetest, most intense sex of all. Send naughty messages and pictures to each other when you’re apart to intensify your mutual hunger.

Making sure that your lover knows your thinking about them and that the thought of them is making you hotter than beach sand in summer, is a sure way to keep the passion burning bright.

Happy holidays! 

(All pictures courtesy of Les Toil)

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