For all our feminist achievements, our sex lives are going down the gurgler. The media is bursting with women pointing the finger and crying blue murder about
misogyny and sexism, and yet I’m beginning to think that this has become counterproductive. We’re shooting ourselves in our collective fat arses and suffering the consequences in the bedroom.
Firstly, men love women, they don’t hate them. A shitty remark does not a misogynist make. I’m all for pointing out an indiscretion when I see it, but bringing men to heel is threatening our sexual satiety. For woman to come into her full power (the perfect balance to man), she must evolve without the assumption of a patriarchy.
Demanding an equal playing field and the right to be the same as men, reinforces a woman’s belief that her own nature is inferior - striving to be equal to a man confirms her rank. When she comes from a place of oppression, the struggle must be to emerge as herself, not as her persecutor; equality on a woman's terms.
The fact that men are physically stronger, more competitive and ambitious by nature has allowed men, quite naturally, to control the social, political and economic landscape so far. Feminism’s problem, has been to try to alter this situation by encouraging women to be more like men (whose qualities threaten her) instead of fostering a culture where women’s characteristics, in contrast to a man’s, are celebrated and rewarded.
Women need to continue being their best and creating structures that reward femininity and resist deriding men for every indiscretion. This derision is transforming men into confused, hurt and vain metrosexuals who are just not that attractive, let’s face it. And ironically, for all the advances in sexual equality, many exhausted women just want a man to provide, be gorgeous and screw her like she’s the last woman on earth. Christian Grey, a man who makes all the decisions will do nicely thank you. (
50 Shades of Grey has just topped 10 million sales and cornered 25% of the adult fiction market)!
When women use male mockery as a tool for liberation, confusion sets in.
Men begin to question their true nature, which is, to protect, compete
and win whilst women become harder to conquer, love and cherish. If, on the other hand, a woman’s true nature (generous,
nurturing, vulnerable) is heralded and valued, sexual
liberation can begin to evolve and fulfil itself instead of stagnating
as it is now. It’s like positive parenting - it’s better to reward the
good behaviour and ignore the bad.
Undoubtedly, the equalising of our opposing natures, made possible because of feminism, has transformed us into richer and more whole individuals. Women enjoy independence and opportunity and men benefit from a greater emotional intelligence. But the sex has become so frigging boring. Men are suffering from all manner of performance issues and women can’t decide if they want the, now taboo, knight in shining armour or the waxed, buffed, politically correct nancyboy, who does the dishes but is crap in the sack.
It is sexual polarity that is the foundation of sexual passion, and for bedroom fireworks, male and female difference must be magnified not diminished. In a world where male and female essence is more closely aligned, we need to make an honest evaluation of our core sexual nature in order to be sexually satiated.
Ask yourself if you prefer to be sexually dominated (feminine) or to take the lead (masculine) most of the time. Great sex happens when one is the victor and one is the vanquished - butch/femme, top/bottom, master/slave. It doesn’t matter who is the giver and who is the receiver, but acceptance of one’s general tendency will guarantee more spark in the bedroom. If both partners are sexually well balanced, then roleplay will be necessary to ward off a passionless sex life.
"Now we are ready to move to the next stage, grounded in this mutual respect and equality, but celebrating the sexual and spiritual passions inherent in the masculine/feminine polarity."*
*The Way of the Superior Man, by David Deida
By Michelle Temminghoff
