Veiling the Slut

I have long been fascinated by a woman’s decision (free or not) to cover herself with the hijab, niqab or burqa. As part of her religion, I understand the compelling need to adhere to its traditions, but I am more interested in the deeper issue of why exactly, it is necessary. Overwhelmingly, Muslim women claim that it is liberating and gives them a feeling of self respect, protection and confidence. Covering up protects them from the inquisitive eyes of men. It “stems from male jealousy and the subjugation of women.”*

A Muslim woman should only reveal herself to her close male relatives. God understands that men cannot help their unholy sexual feelings and should be shielded from a woman’s allure. This will allow marriages to be strong and long lasting. The basic presumption is that men can’t control themselves and it is the woman’s responsibility to temper this by her actions and attire.

What irritates me about the hijab and burqa, is its symbolic willingness to forgive men’s indecent urges: the acceptance that revealing a woman’s beauty is potentially harmful to her. Whilst part of being male and human is to fantasize about sex, I’m not sure that the style of a woman’s clothing affects that to any significant degree. Is a man more aroused in summer than winter? Do sexual assault statistics vary according to fashion? From what statistics are available, Muslim women are no safer from sexual assault in their own countries than their Western counterparts. Women are still vulnerable no matter what clothes they choose to wear.

In the East and the West, the onus is on the woman to avoid sexual assault and keep herself safe from sexually deviant and violent men. This is the essence of the problem. Being raped or abused is not the fault of the victim. It is the perpetrator’s fault and this is what needs to be accepted and dealt with. “Eradicating rape depends as much on educating people about this crime as it does on legal reform”.** In many Muslim countries, the rape of a woman is her own fault anyway, and she is heavily punished for it, often by stoning. How does the Muslim woman reconcile that? She already taken away the temptation by covering her beauty. Isn’t that enough?

In Canada recently, a policeman told a group of schoolgirls that “women should avoid dressing like sluts in order not to be victimized.” It’s a distinctly Muslim point of view and not uncommon in the West. If a woman was raped here when dressed conservatively, would that make the crime more punishable? Most women do feel safer when covering their beauty than when revealing it and that is the tragedy. Dressing to diminish the danger makes it her fault.

Outrage at the Canadian policeman’s comments has resulted in the worldwide ‘SlutWalk’. It’s taking place in Melbourne this Saturday and I think it’s brilliant. If you’re a woman, gay, a geek, transvestite, overweight, tattooed, disabled, retarded, Asian, African, Muslim, a ‘wog’, Aboriginal, or a person that has in any way felt the glare of public dissaproval then you should march too. Wearing your identity should not make you a target of rape or violence. We must avoid symbolically wearing the burqa and instead make violence and vilification unacceptable.

We are our best when we are accepted for the person we are regardless of what we wear or how we look. The society we live in is enriched when it’s people are given the right to freely express themselves. Veiling our beauty, our identity, is not the answer. Women dressing as ‘sluts’? Bring it on! “All the freaky people make the beauty of the world”. Michael Franti

Michelle Temminghoff

*Father Samir Khalir Samir, famous orientalist, Islamic scholar, and author of the book 111 Questions on Islam: Samir Khalil Samir on Islam and the West
**Joanna Bourke, professor and author of Rape: Sex, Violence, History.

"Niquabitches"
Here's an interesting video. A couple of French students decided to protest against the country's new law banning the burqa. I love the irreverence of it and the the way it reveals the taboos that exist simultaneously around modesty and exhibitionism. I post it with complete respect towards the Muslim faith.

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Shock Block

I have severe writers block. Not just now but an ongoing reluctance to write anything at all. I constantly feel pressure to be out there writing blogs, commenting on other people's blogs and facebook pages and twitter feeds and so many more threads of crap that I don't understand or care about and yet I don’t.

And it's not like I haven't got anything to say - my job provides the perfect opportunity to write lots of interesting things. It's just that I can't be bothered. I know that sounds really bad and I feel really guilty but most of the stuff people write on the internet just doesn't interest me. And I am a voracious reader!

Because all of these words floating around in cyberspace just reek of self promotion and narcissism. I guess that is exactly what it's supposed to be but since when have we had to relentlessly spit out vacuous drivel just to attract people to OUR business as opposed to other people’s? Can't we just list ourselves in the directory, have a phone number, provide a great service and be done with it?

Noooo, now we have to set up a Facebook page, a website, a blog, myspace, a twitter feed, youtube, be Linkedin, and have email, fax, telephone, gmail a mobile and the list goes on. Don't even get me started on StumbleUpon, Delicious, Digg and Friendstar. I don't even know what they are yet.

For a person like me who's not that great with computers, it takes a loooong time to work out what all these things are, how to use them then apply them and make them better than everyone else's. The pressure is on! And then you go ahead and set them up and what do you say? 'Gee the weather's cold.' 'Has anyone seen my brain?' 'What time is it?' "Wow your hair looks nice in that photo'. "Isn't that dog cute?'

I don't hang out at school to talk to the mums, I don't have a circle of friends that I drink and gossip with. I find most conversations with women about their husbands and daily lives about as boring as batshit. I hardly ever text, my mobile is used mostly for work and I avoid answering the phone and sending emails. I hardly ever look at my Facebook page and if someone from my old high school wants to become my 'friend' I just think it's plain stupid. You weren't my friend then so why would you want to be now? It's just curiosity and voyeurism. I just don't care!

I know this makes me a bit weird, but my life feels pretty full as it is. But I AM supposed to use all this social media to help my business. And I won’t lie to you and pretend that the only reason I attempt it is because of my business. It’s a job and one that I am really crap at. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve written in my diary ‘Look at Facebook,’ ‘Write a blog a month,’ ‘Investigate Twitter,’ - all to no avail. I fail miserably at self-promotion - it just feels so......American.

I do love talking to customers and I love using what I know and have learnt over the years to help people, so I think I’ll just get on with trying to write about what really means something to me and not about what I had for dinner last night. (Pesto pasta with sardines, anchovies, tomatoes, olives and lemon). The red wine I enjoyed with it doesn’t help my writing efforts either by the way.

Michelle

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It's A Curly One

I've noticed that as young men grow more facial hair, women wax more. Instead of a bloke getting a face full of pubes, a girl gets a pussy full of face hair. Maybe there's a connection. Hmmm...

This hair removal thing has been getting up my gander for some time now. What's with it? I used to think it was a fad but its popularity is increasing.

Is porn to blame for all that waxing? It gets blamed for everything else so why not? But waxing must be worth it because women keep going back for more skinning of the cat and the results aren't always pretty. Besides the blood curdling pain, there's uncomfortable re-growth, in-grown hairs and cebaceous cysts that can get infected. A sexual health nurse friend of mine says if you've ever seen a vulva covered in red, pus-y spots as a result of waxing you'd never do it.

Yet lots of women say they love the feel of a bare mons pubis for the erotic feelings it invokes. OK, good - I'm all for that - dinner with the folks, work presentations and school pick-ups aside. And many believe and feel that it's cleaner. Many waxing websites attest to this theory, but the prevailing scientific thinking is that the purpose of pubic hair is to protect the body from germs and infections, not to increase their proliferation.

I understand that men like the feel of a clean shave (so do I) and no curlies to tickle and pull out of one's teeth must be nice too. And yeah, I can see that it's erotic for some - but so's a gimp mask, a nappy and taking it up the arse by a dominatrix with a dildo the size of double decker bus for some boys. So why the constant self-inflicted torture? If men didn't like it so much, I wonder if we'd bother? Then there's the whole little girl scenario. If you've got a young daughter it's just plain weird.

It appears that all that waxing has made men very finnicky. They're often turned off by a face full of hair and now even very young girls feel they have to comply. It's a nasty cycle. I say, 'If you don't like it, Bad Fucking Luck'! There's plenty of worse things not to like.

Personally, as you've probably guessed by now, I find a woman's bush highly erotic (although I am heterosexual so maybe it doesn't count). That flash of darkness hints of hidden delights - a true woman - spirited, sexual, mysterious, fierce.

Anyway, I've put three mannequins in the window this week with nothing on but a hairy bush. Oh the reaction!

HAIR. THE LAST TABOO.

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BURLESQUE PERFORMANCE IN SHOP WINDOW Reveals More Than A Bit Of Boob

Anyone would think that a beautiful girl wearing revealing lingerie in a shop window would attract an appreciative crowd. And it does. But more often than not, what is revealed is a shyness and self consciousness amongst the male passers-by. According to my calculations, 8 out of 10 men are too embarrassed to look. Regardless of age, the majority of men offer a sideways glance and shuffle past guiltily. Such behavior reveals an unease about how to appreciate and respect the female form.

Could such discomfort reveal a deep contempt for women? I'm thinking that the inability to watch a beautiful, scantily clad, confident woman reveals an underbelly of misogyny. Could the dichotomy of desire and contempt be at the core of Australia’s shameful record of sexual violence against women? Is it the combination of lust and scorn that fuels aggression? My assertion is that the average Aussie bloke is not as open minded as we might imagine. The disrespectful guffawing and hooting of many remaining onlookers may be a testament to that too.

Any Australian woman knows that our society is dangerous simply because men live in it. A lone walk down a deserted alley keeps us alert during the day and is practically unthinkable at night. Covering up, keeping a mobile phone handy, staying alert and sober, walking in pairs or groups and even self defense lessons are all things women employ to keep themselves safe. If these rules aren’t adhered to, many believe a woman deserves to be raped or abused simply because men can’t help themselves.

The fact that women aren't safe in our community is barely questioned. From the moment a girl is born, she is shielded from the harm a man can inflict. When she is old enough to go out in the world on her own, it is with deep concern for her sexual wellbeing. Most parents warn against overt behavior and modes of dress. Discrimination against 51% of the population by virtue of sex is a given. Females accept that they are at risk all day, every day. They rarely ponder what life would be like and what different creatures they might be if their femininity was powerful enough to protect them from men - if they simply never had to worry about going to the shops alone at night.

Undoubtedly, men love women and their bodies, after all they spend enormous sums on strip clubs and pornography. Many women in turn, adore the attention given when their assets are displayed. As much as any man loves a naked woman, he does so with aversion. Certainly, he wouldn’t like it if it was his partner, mother, sister or daughter. Is that why we don’t see naked men in media and society?

Most men are not violent towards women, yet 1 in 3 Australian women will be assaulted or abused in her lifetime. Australian men are increasingly nurturing, protective and loving, offering a new model for our young girls and boys. I ask that all men, whether violent or not, reflect on their thoughts and behavior towards women and to speak out against violence.


Take The White Ribbon Day Oath
White Ribbon Day November 25th
http://www.whiteribbonday.org.au/

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Cunts

I thought I might impart a little information this month that is very close to my heart.
Last month on 'Hungry Beast' (Wednesday 9.00pm ABC1, Thursday 8.30pm ABC2) a wonderful interview was conducted with National Classification Board member Greg Scott regarding the practise of photoshopping pictures of women's vaginas in magazines. Apparantly, Australians don't want to see, and should not see, female 'genital detail'. No, no, no, we should only see a 'tidy' female vulva - that is, no visible inner lips - only a vulva with the outer lips folding over the inner, somewhat like a baby's.
The exact reason as to why a picture of a woman with protruding inner lips is more explicit than a woman with a 'neater' slit is unclear. What is apparant, is that Labiaplasty, the practise of cosmetically altering a woman's vagina to make it look 'less detailed' is one of the fastest growing areas of cosmetic surgery.
Women seeing pictures of photoshopped vaginas are starting to question whether or not their own vaginas are 'normal'. Women are so disgusted with their vaginas that, in increasing numbers, they are taking the ultimate step of having a surgeon cut away their 'excess' skin. If you watched Hungry Beast, you would have seen a surgeon perform the operation and then hold up the offending fold. Whether or not cutting away at the labia might cause nerve damage is unclear.
It's not only the OFLC who believe vaginas are offensive, The Australian Family Association believe that the imagery of vulvas is ‘offensive’ and ‘degrading’ to women. Australian sculptor Greg Taylor caused a stir in 2008 when he exhibited sculptures of female genetalia entitled 'CUNTS'. He thought it interesting that the most reviled word in the English language was once a term of reverence. Nevertheless, the furore his posters caused revealed the depth of feeling surrounding the female form.
My deep feeling is that when a society restricts our view of ourselves, it inhibits, twists and rots our sense of self. It is enough that women are airbrushed to perfection. When our cunts are 'perfected' it offends our sexuality, and sexuality is an intrinsic part of our soul.

Follow these links to find out more.

http://hungrybeast.abc.net.au/stories/labiaplasty-extended-interview-greg-scott
http://cuntsthemovie.com/
http://www.newviewcampaign.org/fgcs.asp
http://events.vday.org/2010/community/Melbourne_%28TVM%29
http://www.abc.net.au/rn/lifematters/stories/2010/3012776.htm

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IF YOU'VE NEVER HAD AN ORGASM....

...you probably feel like you’re the only one. Although not common, many women that come into Passionfruit talk about their inability to achieve orgasmic pleasure.

Although it’s not my place to ask if there’s an obvious reason, more than likely, there’s an underlying issue. The fact that these women have sought answers, whether it be through books, dvd’s, vibrators or just talking about it to me, shows that a willingness to overcome their difficulty is a positive step and one that should reap rewards.

As a shop owner and not a counsellor, my first recommendation is always to begin learning about the body through masturbation. Often, a lack of self exploration is the sole reason why women aren’t achieving the sexual response they desire. Learning about your body and understanding its mysteries and delights is the most important step in one’s quest toward orgasm.

For many women, masturbation is a no go. For whatever reason, a sense of shame and embarrassment doesn’t allow the required surrender of body and mind. (This is the time I often recommend a glass or two of wine).

But there’s just no getting around it! At a time when you feel relaxed and comfortable, lie back and start playing. Part the vaginal lips and feel the silky texture of the vulva. Move one finger around and get used to what your body feels like. Enjoy the feeling of your self for as long as you can then practise, practise, practise. You will begin to start noticing what feels good and what is less pleasurable. Concentrate on what responds to your touch and stick with it.

If you like, you can introduce a vibrator to increase sensation. The brilliant Lelo clitoral stimulators have had great success amongst women who haven’t been able to climax before. I’m sure it’s because of its aesthetically pleasing form, discreet design and beautiful texture. Beauty is an emotional tool that can directly influence our physical responses.

There are so many books that can help too. My personal favorites are The Elusive Orgasm by Vivienne Cass, I Love Female Orgasm by Dorian Solot and Marshall Miller and Becoming Orgasmic by Julia Heiman (also available on ‘hands free’ dvd).

Once you have practised, and hopefully achieved orgasm, you can begin to experiment with your partner and subtly instruct them on how to play with your body. Most lovers will be ecstatic to learn the finer art of lovemaking. The gift of pleasure is priceless.

The ability to orgasm can be difficult, especially when there are so many mental hurdles to jump. The longer it goes on, the more elusive it can become so it’s important to begin now and just go for it. Love your self.
(A wonderful website to visit - http://dodsonandross.com/sexfeature/first-time-orgasm)

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PORNOGRAPHY

Passionfruit wants to know your favorite porn movie.
We need all the help we can get!
PORNOGRAPHY
One man's trash is another man's treasure. Trash versus treasure, Art or not, Porn versus Erotica. Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder.

After many years of working here at Passionfruit, having many discussions with all different sorts of people, young and old, men and women, Catholic and Agnostic, I have come to believe that when it comes to porn, all is subjective. As the debate about what is Art and what is not, so the porn vs erotica argument seems destined to rage.

Loosely speaking, I guess the only real difference I can detect, is that erotica has more depth, meaning, intensity and emotion than the traditional 'porn'. Of course, how we interpret these traits is completely subjective. Jeff Koons found Ciccollina utterly intriguing for example, others saw her as just another trash model. Art, music, literature, porn - it's how it affects us personally that defines it.



How then, can we choose 'good' porn? It's a question I get asked practically every day. Often I have recommended a title that I thought was pretty good and related closely to the particular wants of the customer, only to be told that they HATED it! It's exasperating!

But here's the thing, more than art or music or books or whatever, our reaction to porn really depends on how we're feeling at any given moment (well for us girls at least). It's the intensely personal nature of pornography that can affect us deeply depending on our mood. What turns us into a raging lioness one day might leave us as cold as a wet cat on another. Such is the nature of sex and the moods and hormones of a woman.

So again, what can we ask of a good porno?

 Mostly, as far as I can tell, we want story, realism and style - or artfulness. Good looking men without mullets helps too. It doesn't seem a lot to ask but ohhhh it is. Firstly, the storyline. It might be utterly intriguing, but when you're watching porn with the intention of getting turned on and enjoying hot sex with your partner, the story is actually a bit of a distraction. Just get us to the good bit and hold it there!

I think women have the fantasy of watching a movie that builds into something that is exciting and stimulating - the surprise of being turned on and then translating that in to great sex with our partner. That's great when it happens, like when you're watching a late night SBS movie that turns out to be highly erotic. It's the lack of expectation and the surprise factor that nails it.

When you buy porn to turn yourself on, story isn't always relevant.

"Give me some realistic sex" is what many women ask. "Hollywood Porn" as I like to call it relies on impossibly beautiful women who no longer hide their careers from anyone. Now they're feted, lauded, earn great money, are 'empowered' and love their job!! Many cross over into mainstream entertainment with barely a battered eyelid. Hollywood Porn is anything but realistic. These girls can take it for hours on end from any number of men and women in every way possible. It's enough to have you pouring another cup of tea in amazement. And their breasts, shaven bodies, lustrous head hair and bleached bumcracks - It's Barbie sex! Give us some realism! It's not much to ask.



But do we really want to watch ordinary people having sex? That might be a bit boring, a bit scary or just plain ugly! Isn't pornography supposed to be about fantasy? Surely its major role is to take us out of our zone of 'normalcy' and lift us in to the realm of the imagination. A realm that can inspire and titillate. Fantasy can be the key that unlocks our passions. So how much 'realism' do we really want? The way to really enjoy and benefit from pornography is to remember that porn IS fantasy. Real women aren't like porn stars, but in our own fantasies, we can be them. 



There is room for porn that falls somewhere between the cracks however. Good quality, no Barbies, a bit of a story and a little bit realistic; it does exist but boy is it hard to find! For some reason, when it comes to sex, the market responds with little or no subtlety. For ten years now I've been discarding the packaging from vibrators for example. Marketers still aim these products at men! What woman wants to buy a 'Muffin Mucker' with a picture of a naked women with her legs spread on the box? Either that or buy a Sunbeam product from The Good Guys that calls itself a 'Massager'. Like, derrr! It's the same with porn - all or nothing. Highly stylised Barbie dolls going at it for hours or a documentary - yawn. 



Tired of urging Australian distributors to import smaller, more arthouse films has encouraged me to import them myself. Candida Royalle is loved by many women in Australia, appreciated for her couples focused porn featuring story, humor and realism. Joybear films from the UK are another company doing excellent erotica and Comstock films feature real couples enjoying loving sex. Shock Horror! Andrew Blake, long known for his stylish cinematography has featured Dita Von Teese in a couple of his titles and I've even managed to snare HIS latest titles - rare as hen's teeth Down Under.

Just remember, don't ask too much of your pornography. Lie back, relax, enjoy and pretend you're in Tahiti with the local boys panting for you.....



Michelle Temminghoff


Passionfruit

Pos

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