BURLESQUE PERFORMANCE IN SHOP WINDOW Reveals More Than A Bit Of Boob

Anyone would think that a beautiful girl wearing revealing lingerie in a shop window would attract an appreciative crowd. And it does. But more often than not, what is revealed is a shyness and self consciousness amongst the male passers-by. According to my calculations, 8 out of 10 men are too embarrassed to look. Regardless of age, the majority of men offer a sideways glance and shuffle past guiltily. Such behavior reveals an unease about how to appreciate and respect the female form.

Could such discomfort reveal a deep contempt for women? I'm thinking that the inability to watch a beautiful, scantily clad, confident woman reveals an underbelly of misogyny. Could the dichotomy of desire and contempt be at the core of Australia’s shameful record of sexual violence against women? Is it the combination of lust and scorn that fuels aggression? My assertion is that the average Aussie bloke is not as open minded as we might imagine. The disrespectful guffawing and hooting of many remaining onlookers may be a testament to that too.

Any Australian woman knows that our society is dangerous simply because men live in it. A lone walk down a deserted alley keeps us alert during the day and is practically unthinkable at night. Covering up, keeping a mobile phone handy, staying alert and sober, walking in pairs or groups and even self defense lessons are all things women employ to keep themselves safe. If these rules aren’t adhered to, many believe a woman deserves to be raped or abused simply because men can’t help themselves.

The fact that women aren't safe in our community is barely questioned. From the moment a girl is born, she is shielded from the harm a man can inflict. When she is old enough to go out in the world on her own, it is with deep concern for her sexual wellbeing. Most parents warn against overt behavior and modes of dress. Discrimination against 51% of the population by virtue of sex is a given. Females accept that they are at risk all day, every day. They rarely ponder what life would be like and what different creatures they might be if their femininity was powerful enough to protect them from men - if they simply never had to worry about going to the shops alone at night.

Undoubtedly, men love women and their bodies, after all they spend enormous sums on strip clubs and pornography. Many women in turn, adore the attention given when their assets are displayed. As much as any man loves a naked woman, he does so with aversion. Certainly, he wouldn’t like it if it was his partner, mother, sister or daughter. Is that why we don’t see naked men in media and society?

Most men are not violent towards women, yet 1 in 3 Australian women will be assaulted or abused in her lifetime. Australian men are increasingly nurturing, protective and loving, offering a new model for our young girls and boys. I ask that all men, whether violent or not, reflect on their thoughts and behavior towards women and to speak out against violence.


Take The White Ribbon Day Oath
White Ribbon Day November 25th
http://www.whiteribbonday.org.au/

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Cunts

I thought I might impart a little information this month that is very close to my heart.
Last month on 'Hungry Beast' (Wednesday 9.00pm ABC1, Thursday 8.30pm ABC2) a wonderful interview was conducted with National Classification Board member Greg Scott regarding the practise of photoshopping pictures of women's vaginas in magazines. Apparantly, Australians don't want to see, and should not see, female 'genital detail'. No, no, no, we should only see a 'tidy' female vulva - that is, no visible inner lips - only a vulva with the outer lips folding over the inner, somewhat like a baby's.
The exact reason as to why a picture of a woman with protruding inner lips is more explicit than a woman with a 'neater' slit is unclear. What is apparant, is that Labiaplasty, the practise of cosmetically altering a woman's vagina to make it look 'less detailed' is one of the fastest growing areas of cosmetic surgery.
Women seeing pictures of photoshopped vaginas are starting to question whether or not their own vaginas are 'normal'. Women are so disgusted with their vaginas that, in increasing numbers, they are taking the ultimate step of having a surgeon cut away their 'excess' skin. If you watched Hungry Beast, you would have seen a surgeon perform the operation and then hold up the offending fold. Whether or not cutting away at the labia might cause nerve damage is unclear.
It's not only the OFLC who believe vaginas are offensive, The Australian Family Association believe that the imagery of vulvas is ‘offensive’ and ‘degrading’ to women. Australian sculptor Greg Taylor caused a stir in 2008 when he exhibited sculptures of female genetalia entitled 'CUNTS'. He thought it interesting that the most reviled word in the English language was once a term of reverence. Nevertheless, the furore his posters caused revealed the depth of feeling surrounding the female form.
My deep feeling is that when a society restricts our view of ourselves, it inhibits, twists and rots our sense of self. It is enough that women are airbrushed to perfection. When our cunts are 'perfected' it offends our sexuality, and sexuality is an intrinsic part of our soul.

Follow these links to find out more.

http://hungrybeast.abc.net.au/stories/labiaplasty-extended-interview-greg-scott
http://cuntsthemovie.com/
http://www.newviewcampaign.org/fgcs.asp
http://events.vday.org/2010/community/Melbourne_%28TVM%29
http://www.abc.net.au/rn/lifematters/stories/2010/3012776.htm

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IF YOU'VE NEVER HAD AN ORGASM....

...you probably feel like you’re the only one. Although not common, many women that come into Passionfruit talk about their inability to achieve orgasmic pleasure.

Although it’s not my place to ask if there’s an obvious reason, more than likely, there’s an underlying issue. The fact that these women have sought answers, whether it be through books, dvd’s, vibrators or just talking about it to me, shows that a willingness to overcome their difficulty is a positive step and one that should reap rewards.

As a shop owner and not a counsellor, my first recommendation is always to begin learning about the body through masturbation. Often, a lack of self exploration is the sole reason why women aren’t achieving the sexual response they desire. Learning about your body and understanding its mysteries and delights is the most important step in one’s quest toward orgasm.

For many women, masturbation is a no go. For whatever reason, a sense of shame and embarrassment doesn’t allow the required surrender of body and mind. (This is the time I often recommend a glass or two of wine).

But there’s just no getting around it! At a time when you feel relaxed and comfortable, lie back and start playing. Part the vaginal lips and feel the silky texture of the vulva. Move one finger around and get used to what your body feels like. Enjoy the feeling of your self for as long as you can then practise, practise, practise. You will begin to start noticing what feels good and what is less pleasurable. Concentrate on what responds to your touch and stick with it.

If you like, you can introduce a vibrator to increase sensation. The brilliant Lelo clitoral stimulators have had great success amongst women who haven’t been able to climax before. I’m sure it’s because of its aesthetically pleasing form, discreet design and beautiful texture. Beauty is an emotional tool that can directly influence our physical responses.

There are so many books that can help too. My personal favorites are The Elusive Orgasm by Vivienne Cass, I Love Female Orgasm by Dorian Solot and Marshall Miller and Becoming Orgasmic by Julia Heiman (also available on ‘hands free’ dvd).

Once you have practised, and hopefully achieved orgasm, you can begin to experiment with your partner and subtly instruct them on how to play with your body. Most lovers will be ecstatic to learn the finer art of lovemaking. The gift of pleasure is priceless.

The ability to orgasm can be difficult, especially when there are so many mental hurdles to jump. The longer it goes on, the more elusive it can become so it’s important to begin now and just go for it. Love your self.
(A wonderful website to visit - http://dodsonandross.com/sexfeature/first-time-orgasm)

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PORNOGRAPHY

Passionfruit wants to know your favorite porn movie.
We need all the help we can get!
PORNOGRAPHY
One man's trash is another man's treasure. Trash versus treasure, Art or not, Porn versus Erotica. Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder.

After many years of working here at Passionfruit, having many discussions with all different sorts of people, young and old, men and women, Catholic and Agnostic, I have come to believe that when it comes to porn, all is subjective. As the debate about what is Art and what is not, so the porn vs erotica argument seems destined to rage.

Loosely speaking, I guess the only real difference I can detect, is that erotica has more depth, meaning, intensity and emotion than the traditional 'porn'. Of course, how we interpret these traits is completely subjective. Jeff Koons found Ciccollina utterly intriguing for example, others saw her as just another trash model. Art, music, literature, porn - it's how it affects us personally that defines it.



How then, can we choose 'good' porn? It's a question I get asked practically every day. Often I have recommended a title that I thought was pretty good and related closely to the particular wants of the customer, only to be told that they HATED it! It's exasperating!

But here's the thing, more than art or music or books or whatever, our reaction to porn really depends on how we're feeling at any given moment (well for us girls at least). It's the intensely personal nature of pornography that can affect us deeply depending on our mood. What turns us into a raging lioness one day might leave us as cold as a wet cat on another. Such is the nature of sex and the moods and hormones of a woman.

So again, what can we ask of a good porno?

 Mostly, as far as I can tell, we want story, realism and style - or artfulness. Good looking men without mullets helps too. It doesn't seem a lot to ask but ohhhh it is. Firstly, the storyline. It might be utterly intriguing, but when you're watching porn with the intention of getting turned on and enjoying hot sex with your partner, the story is actually a bit of a distraction. Just get us to the good bit and hold it there!

I think women have the fantasy of watching a movie that builds into something that is exciting and stimulating - the surprise of being turned on and then translating that in to great sex with our partner. That's great when it happens, like when you're watching a late night SBS movie that turns out to be highly erotic. It's the lack of expectation and the surprise factor that nails it.

When you buy porn to turn yourself on, story isn't always relevant.

"Give me some realistic sex" is what many women ask. "Hollywood Porn" as I like to call it relies on impossibly beautiful women who no longer hide their careers from anyone. Now they're feted, lauded, earn great money, are 'empowered' and love their job!! Many cross over into mainstream entertainment with barely a battered eyelid. Hollywood Porn is anything but realistic. These girls can take it for hours on end from any number of men and women in every way possible. It's enough to have you pouring another cup of tea in amazement. And their breasts, shaven bodies, lustrous head hair and bleached bumcracks - It's Barbie sex! Give us some realism! It's not much to ask.



But do we really want to watch ordinary people having sex? That might be a bit boring, a bit scary or just plain ugly! Isn't pornography supposed to be about fantasy? Surely its major role is to take us out of our zone of 'normalcy' and lift us in to the realm of the imagination. A realm that can inspire and titillate. Fantasy can be the key that unlocks our passions. So how much 'realism' do we really want? The way to really enjoy and benefit from pornography is to remember that porn IS fantasy. Real women aren't like porn stars, but in our own fantasies, we can be them. 



There is room for porn that falls somewhere between the cracks however. Good quality, no Barbies, a bit of a story and a little bit realistic; it does exist but boy is it hard to find! For some reason, when it comes to sex, the market responds with little or no subtlety. For ten years now I've been discarding the packaging from vibrators for example. Marketers still aim these products at men! What woman wants to buy a 'Muffin Mucker' with a picture of a naked women with her legs spread on the box? Either that or buy a Sunbeam product from The Good Guys that calls itself a 'Massager'. Like, derrr! It's the same with porn - all or nothing. Highly stylised Barbie dolls going at it for hours or a documentary - yawn. 



Tired of urging Australian distributors to import smaller, more arthouse films has encouraged me to import them myself. Candida Royalle is loved by many women in Australia, appreciated for her couples focused porn featuring story, humor and realism. Joybear films from the UK are another company doing excellent erotica and Comstock films feature real couples enjoying loving sex. Shock Horror! Andrew Blake, long known for his stylish cinematography has featured Dita Von Teese in a couple of his titles and I've even managed to snare HIS latest titles - rare as hen's teeth Down Under.

Just remember, don't ask too much of your pornography. Lie back, relax, enjoy and pretend you're in Tahiti with the local boys panting for you.....



Michelle Temminghoff


Passionfruit

Pos

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